Alone

I sit here alone
Thoughts of my life running around in my head
Looking back on my mistakes I bemoan
The quietness brings upon nothing but dread
Distance sound of the whistle of a train horn
A stillness in the air abounds
Silence surrounds me like a sleeping newborn
Flashes of my past play in the background
Knowing my life is passing me by
Misery over what I have missed
These thoughts make me want to cry
Memories of mistakes cannot be dismissed
So, I sit here alone in my thoughts
Tearing me up inside leaving myself twisted in knots


Picture Credit: Pixabay.com

Wounds of My Past

Deep pains that I thought would never pass

Scars of my youth I tried to stay hidden

Running from what I thought was so wrong

Hiding within a mask wishing I would never be found

All these traumas and bruises of what I believed not right

Kept me from you and out of the light

For years I hid from you what was hidden in my head

I thought I was a monster who should have been dead

You came to me with only your tenderness

I hid from you in the wilderness

Then a day came where it all began to crack

Letting my guard down I came out of the black

Opening up to you about my pains and my past

I thought you would flee

But instead you stayed with me

Freedom I found that day not long ago

Breaking these chains from my that which held me low

With that freedom came a love I had denied

It flowed from me like river run wild

My scars and pains laid bare

A love I have for you is eternal I swear


Picture Credit: Asoldierswalk

Past

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Always behind you
Never getting ahead
Reminding you of the things you have done
Your past is never far behind
No matter where you go
As you sleep it permeates your dreams
Turning them into nightmares
Tugging at your mind
Pulling at your soul
Your past never lets you go
Till that day when your future stops
Buried six feet under in a pine made box
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Picture Credit: Pixabay

Trick or Treat’s Past

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I  have always looked forward to Halloween and all that came with it. When I was a kid in elementary school we would have a day when we would dress up in our costumes. We would as a class go from one class to the next showing off our costumes with the other classes. After that we would have a little Halloween party in our classroom and often our teacher would read us a story. In my neighborhood I would get together with all my friends and we would go out trick or treating throughout the our neighborhood, the next one and the one after that. We would literally run from house to house trying to get as much candy as possible. Back then the masks we would wear were nothing like the ones today, you couldn’t see out of them or breath out of them. Then as we would finally get tired we would head to the park that was at the end of the road, right in the middle of our neighborhood and they would have a giant bonfire and they would have hot (always would burn my tongue) chocolate and Tootsie rolls. The candies back then were the small candy bars, the peanut butter tasting (black and orange wrapped) candy, pixie sticks (pure sugar) and lots of gum. Then for the days that followed we would bring our candy to school and trade with our other friends. As I got even older, the nights would last even later for Trick or Treating, if it was a weekend we would always sleep over at my friend’s house, the one were his parents didn’t care how late we were out. We sometimes would be out until midnight. If we saw a house with its lights on we would ring the doorbell. They would usually drop any candy they had left into our bags and shut the light off. We would then go back to my friends house and watch a bunch of slasher movies. In high school Halloween meant it was time to smash pumpkins (don’t judge me..LOL), and we were basically a bunch of juvenile delinquents. Now as I have grown older it was the fun of taking my children out and getting them all dressed up into their cute costumes. Of course some times it wasn’t only the kids getting a treat, one of our neighbors were we use to live would give the parents a beer or a drink. Now we have a house that everyone calls the Jell-O shot house. I always tell my kids that all the Peanut M&M’s are mine and they are the cost of me taking them around the neighborhood. It does seem that more and more this holiday is less community oriented as it was when I was a kid and just a holiday for candy and spending money on outrageous costumes. I mean what kid needs a $100.00 costume. Well I just want to say Happy Halloween to everyone. If you don’t celebrate it that is ok to, but don’t judge me if I do. It is just a day to enjoy being a kid no matter how old you are.

You Are

You are my past

Without you I wouldn’t last

You are my yesterday

Caught within your arms is a place I would love to stay

You are my today

My love for you will never go away

You are my tomorrow

Time apart brings upon sorrow

You are my future

Our dreams of then will be beyond super

You are my forever

Two hearts made into one is our endeavor

Forgetfulness

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Foggy thoughts in my mind

Remembrances of times past caught in a bind

Views of past times clouded in my brain

Trying to remember events and friends gone by

Straining to revive the memories I try to bring back

At times words escape my thoughts

Unable to bring them forth to speak them out

So much I am losing as each day passes

Unable to find things in my mind

Maybe it is age as I grow older

Blows to my head in days gone past

Making a scramble of my head at the time

These missing pieces scare me so

Scared of what I’ve let go

Times, memories, people and places

Please Oh Lord, keep my thoughts whole.


Picture Credit: Pixabay.com

Empathetic Heart

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Thoughts of past days run through your mind

Some full of fun and others not so kind

Thinking back on those times bring despair

Makes you wonder why do I care

What makes you this way you ponder so deep

Causing your heart to tear and weep

The person you are is so full of so much love

You find ways to show compassion like our God above

When people are hurting, you feel that too

An empathetic heart reaching out to those sad and blue

So, caring for those who despair

You are a person so full of tenderness, kindness and grace

The reason you feel is because of how much you care

I am so amazed at the beauty inside

A heart and soul so amplified

By the tenderheartedness found in you


*Dedicated to my wife who has the biggest heart full of love that I know. She cares so deeply for people and I am always amazed by you.*

Shadows of My Past

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Shadows of my past

Following me into the twilight

Forever leaving an imprint on my days

Sometimes pulling me back

Leaving a note of melancholy on my soul

Only the melody of your love pulls me through

A light in the darkness of this world

You are the Way, the Truth and the Light

Showing this sinner a worth that was lost

Leading my steps forward on this path of my life

You are my Shepard

Into your arms I will go

Leaving these shadows of my past


Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

 

 

In Your Eyes


In your eyes

Reflecting back at me 

I see myself mirrored back

My future with you teasing 

Seeing what could be

My past with You tormenting 

Seeing what could have been 

What I comprehend is a glance

A sight of a love that we pray will grow

In your eyes I see a hope for our future 

A sadness of our past

The love we share in the now. 

Letting Go

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To the love of my life

I must say it is time for me to let go

Time for me to let go of all my issues

Time to let go of all the feelings and emotions I have kept hidden in my soul

Time to let go of holding back on my ability to love and be whole

Time to let go of hiding behind my mask

Time to let go of the wall I created around myself

Time to let my heart go and merge with you

Time for me to let go and be the one you need me to be

It is time to go forward and become the man, husband, friend and lover you always deserved.