80’s Hair Bands to 90’s Grunge

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Back in the 80’s it was the decade of Me

or sometimes the decade of decadence

the music varied from Hard Rock to Dance to the beginning of Rap

I was what was termed a metal head

Seeing my first concert at the ripe old age of 13

Def Leppard and Uriah Heap, what mixture and treat

Finding out for the first time what they meant by contact high

spending my high school days listening to various bands

Pink Floyd, Led Zepplin, Scorpions, Ozzy, Judas Priest

Banging my head in my friends cars as we played our music a full decibel

Going to concerts a various as Whitesnake, Great White and seeing Floyd outdoors

Stevie Ray Vaughn and Double Trouble, The Fabulous T-Birds kept me rocking the blues

Watching M-TV when it actually played videos

Saturday night was the Headbangers Ball night.

Then came the Glam rock time, with the big hair and makeup

bands like Poison, Cinderella, Twisted Sister, LA Guns

I could jam that stuff to

Then came Guns and Roses and the 80s began to wind down

What would be the next decades style of rock

Soon bands like Nirvana, Soundgarden, and Pearl Jam came along

The Hair Bands died out and Grunge came into style

Then around 1995 it all died out and the big things were what they called the Boy Bands

The end of music as I knew it

Now I still play my 80’s and early 90’s rock, but a lower volume

My kids look at me like I’m crazy

But I can still bang my head, well not so much now that I had surgery.

Oh 80’s where have you gone.

in the past with my youth and my pain free days.

 

 

 

Relationship Reconciliation

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Does she love me

Does she even care anymore

What is going on in her mind

I bet she finds me ugly and unattractive

 

Does he love me

Does he even care anymore

What does he think about

Is he even there

 

Does she find me unappealing

Is she regretting ever being with me

Were is she now

 

Has he ever really loved me

I think he finds me ugly

Is there someone else out there for me

 

Why is this happening to me

What should I do

Is it time for me to leave

 

Maybe we should really talk

Talk about what is going on

Find out what the other is thinking

 

Hi how are you doing

What is wrong between us

What can we I do to have you stay

 

I do love you

I love you to

You are so beautiful

You are so handsome

 

Each day is a new day

Put yesterday in the past

Together in the now

Start fresh with each new day

Forgive and move on

Together Forever……..

 

 

Radiance

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Laying in our bed you slumber

Looking upon your face I am left stunned

The softness of your skin leaves me hypnotized

Your face shines with a radiance of many suns

I cannot look away from its brilliance

Left dazed and captured in your spell

I listen to the gentle rhythm of your breath

A music sweeter than any song sung

A smile rises upon your lips

Wondering what dream has brought it about

Your eyes slowly open to gaze into mine

I cannot look away, I have been caught

Your smile grows bigger as you say to me

I was dreaming of you


Picture Credit: Favim.com

 

 

 

 

Touch

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My mind wanders as I think of you
The look in your eyes filled with fire
Sensing in your smile a smirk wanting more
One hand caresses your cheek
The other pulls you close
Lips interlocking in passionate flame
The feeling of wanton lust fills our bodies
Running a hand along your shoulder, gently caressing your skin
A slight sigh escapes your mouth
Clothes shed to the ground
Gathering in the view of beauty of you
Skin touching skin we intertwine into one
Then awakening from my dream
I feel you close to me
Sleeping in a quiet slumber
I snuggle closer pulling you tighter
You wriggle back against me
Drifting off to sleep and back into my dreams and thoughts of you

 

Written for the woman of my dreams and my reality my wife.


GIF is courtesy of Rebloggy.com

Being a “Man”

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A real man shows no emotions

A real man is tough all the time

A real man never cries

A real man is this or that

I have been told my whole life

This is what being a “Man” is all about

What has this brought me

A life of pain that was held inside

Incarcerated into a lie

Today I have broken free

Vulnerability is not a weakness

it is a strength

Showing those close to you what you really are

Brings you closer to them

A real man is a person who, loves, cries, shows his true emotions and is real in how he feels.

 

For my wife who I was so distant from for so long, who I by my actions almost tore us apart. I love you with all my heart and know that you are and always will be a gift from God.

Trick or Treat’s Past

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I  have always looked forward to Halloween and all that came with it. When I was a kid in elementary school we would have a day when we would dress up in our costumes. We would as a class go from one class to the next showing off our costumes with the other classes. After that we would have a little Halloween party in our classroom and often our teacher would read us a story. In my neighborhood I would get together with all my friends and we would go out trick or treating throughout the our neighborhood, the next one and the one after that. We would literally run from house to house trying to get as much candy as possible. Back then the masks we would wear were nothing like the ones today, you couldn’t see out of them or breath out of them. Then as we would finally get tired we would head to the park that was at the end of the road, right in the middle of our neighborhood and they would have a giant bonfire and they would have hot (always would burn my tongue) chocolate and Tootsie rolls. The candies back then were the small candy bars, the peanut butter tasting (black and orange wrapped) candy, pixie sticks (pure sugar) and lots of gum. Then for the days that followed we would bring our candy to school and trade with our other friends. As I got even older, the nights would last even later for Trick or Treating, if it was a weekend we would always sleep over at my friend’s house, the one were his parents didn’t care how late we were out. We sometimes would be out until midnight. If we saw a house with its lights on we would ring the doorbell. They would usually drop any candy they had left into our bags and shut the light off. We would then go back to my friends house and watch a bunch of slasher movies. In high school Halloween meant it was time to smash pumpkins (don’t judge me..LOL), and we were basically a bunch of juvenile delinquents. Now as I have grown older it was the fun of taking my children out and getting them all dressed up into their cute costumes. Of course some times it wasn’t only the kids getting a treat, one of our neighbors were we use to live would give the parents a beer or a drink. Now we have a house that everyone calls the Jell-O shot house. I always tell my kids that all the Peanut M&M’s are mine and they are the cost of me taking them around the neighborhood. It does seem that more and more this holiday is less community oriented as it was when I was a kid and just a holiday for candy and spending money on outrageous costumes. I mean what kid needs a $100.00 costume. Well I just want to say Happy Halloween to everyone. If you don’t celebrate it that is ok to, but don’t judge me if I do. It is just a day to enjoy being a kid no matter how old you are.

Bed

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A place to lay

A place to sleep

A place to snuggle

A place to, well you know what

A place to read

A place to play

A place of solitude

A place of laughing and crying

My Bed is a place I go for so much

Now I just need some comfortable pillows to make it complete

 

Hiding

urban-1002149_960_720Who am I suppose to be

How am I suppose to act

What will they think of me

How much of the real me should I show them

Is the real me something they want to see

Will they react in horror or repulsion

Who am I really

Hiding myself in plain sight from those I care for the most

I keep the real me hidden inside

I let them see what I think they want to see

The world tells me I need to be like this and act like that

It’s not who I am, so I put up my mask

For so long I hide my real self from all

I lose track of who and what I am supposed to be

Holding those closest at arm length away

I lose who I am, I have gone astray

My facade of the fake me begins to crumble

Leaving me lost in my mind I stumble

Pushing, pushing, pushing away

Crashing, crashing, crashing one day

Till a voice says to me, son you have hidden away far to long

Become the man I have made you to be

Hide away no longer, let the you I created find the light of day

Show those you care about the real you

Throw away that mask and be free my son

I gave my blood to wash you clean from your past

Turn back to me and be mine again

Hidden no more, I have found the real me.

Born Again

cross-72838_960_720Colossians 2:13 “And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses.”

John 3:6-7 “That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.”

It was 2006 and I thought I had it all, a job that paid good, a beautiful family and yet I was empty inside. I constantly was looking for something to fill this emptiness I felt. Over the years I had turned to many things, alcohol, drugs, sex and many other things, but it didn’t fill that emptiness for long. I knew of God, but I was a very broken soul. I felt worthless in the eyes of all I knew and I knew that God would never want a broken soul like mine. I was just to damaged. Never did I think I could fall any further, but oh I was wrong, so wrong. My job was what I identified myself with, it was what I felt I needed to have to support and give my family everything. That night I went to work in a good mood, but the next morning I was being walked out of my job and was to never go back. I had been fired. The sting of it all, the failure I felt, the thought of how I had let down my family and it was just to much. I drove around for a while and knew at that point I could never go home, I was a failure and was better off dead to my family than alive. I called home after a few hours to say goodbye. My wife answered and she could hear the distress in my voice as I told her goodbye. Hearing her voice was the only thing that kept me from ending it all. I knew I had to go home, but I wasn’t sure how I could face her or the kids. That week was hard as I couldn’t look anyone in the face or talk with anyone. I wasn’t one for church and never liked to go. When I did go it was due to the fact I thought it was good for my kids. As the weekend neared and me looking for any type of work I could get, I heard a voice in my head. I know this sounds somewhat crazy, but it was loud and clear to me, “Go to church this weekend, just go and listen for once”. I told my wife that we need to go to church that weekend which came as a big surprise to her. She had grown up a Christian, but had been losing her faith as I fell further and further. She questioned her beliefs and whether she was wrong about it all. She started to look into other things to check them out. I knew that it wasn’t right, but what was I to say. That weekend we went and the sermon was what would become to be known to us as, “The Grape Sermon”. For the first time I actually heard, audibly and so much deeper than that. When I took my wife’s hand during it I felt an energy that I had never felt before. Did I drop to my knees then and ask Jesus into my life, I must admit I didn’t. Still I was skeptical, but I did finally start to listen and hear the words of the sermon, but more important the word of God himself. This all happened in September of 2006, so I continued to go to church and could feel something changing inside of me. October came and we were invited to a concert in a city over an hour away from our house. The band was Ineloquent, I had never really been to a “” Christian Concert. I thought that all that it would be was a bunch of hymns and stuff like that. I was wrong. I enjoyed it and there was something that the lead singer said that really hit me. He talked about his faith and his time that he had fallen away from God. He had always believed, but he had a crisis and fell away from his beliefs. After a few years he talked about how he realized that it wasn’t God’s fault and that he decided to turn back to God. What he said next really hit me right to my heart and the bitter wall I had raised up around my heart began to crumble. He said that even though he had turned his back on God, God had never turned away from him, so when he turned back God was waiting there with open arms to love him and comfort him. When we walked out that night, it began to snow, a crisp clean white snow and I knew right then that I needed God in my life. I asked for Jesus to come into my life and I asked him into my heart. As soon as I did that I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I knew then that it would be ok. That was 10 years ago this month. Have I always been perfect, not even close, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23. I have had times, but I always knew that he would never turn away from me. I have tried to be the best I could be and as just a man I fall short, very short. But it is through my faith that Jesus is my savior that I am saved and washed clean by his blood. This is my story of my Rebirth as it is. Take it for what it is worth to you, I know what happened to me. This has also had a huge impact on my family, my wife rediscovered her faith and my children have done amazing things in the name of Jesus. God is good…

A verse that has helped me since this time is.

Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

 

Bad Days

cross-1448946_960_720A negative thought

A unwelcomed feeling

A confused idea

A whisper in my head

Despair and distress darken my mood

Bad day ahead

What should I do

If I do nothing I sink deeper

I figured out how to rise

I pray to my Savior

He lifts me on high.