A Voice in the Heavens

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Uncertainty clouds my view

Tearing me apart on the inside

Grasping for something to hold on

Looking for the truth in my sight

On what path should I go

How do I choose the way ahead

Looking at the past I see darkness closing in

Listening for a voice in the heavens

Telling me which way to go

A song reaches out to me from the nebulous

Calling me forward

Giving me hope

The music of the Angels

A beautiful hymn of love and grace

Brings me to that truthful place.


Picture Credits: deadfake.deviantart.com

 

In a Box

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Inside a box a life is lived

Told what to do

How to live

Don’t stray from these confines

You will be left astray

Books that tell us how to love

Books that tell us how to make friends

Speeches on how to influence people

Classes on how to become rich

People that tell you how to save your relationship

So many ways and ideas exist

But in the end, they all reside within the limits set forth with

Try to live outside the norms

Ostracized by the world you become

Why do I have to live my life by others worldly rules

Yes, some laws make sense, like do not murder or do not steal

My life does not fit into your box, I am messed up screwed up beyond the norm

But maybe this is what is normal and not what you portray

I worship, love, interact and play in my own way.

I don’t fit in your box

Thankful

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What am I thankful for over this past year

I am thankful for the few close people I call my friend

I am thankful for my Mom who is always there when I need her

I am thankful for my Dad, stubborn as a mule, but a good father none the less

I am thankful for my brother who was always my protector as a little kid

I thankful for my big sister, it has been two years since you passed away, I miss you still

I am thankful for my In-laws who have accepted me as their son and brother

I am thankful for my children, four girls who are all amazing in their own way

I am thankful for my amazing wife, who has put up with me all these years and still loves me

I am most thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who calls me son

Who has forgiven me when I really don’t deserve it.

I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving, wherever you are we can all give thanks for something.

 

Where Do I Go

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Sometimes life throws you a curve

Something you should have seen coming

but you are too ignorant to see

Or unable to want to believe

What do I do

Where do I go

I want to fight on

Thinking things can change

Then sometimes doubt

creeps into my mind and make me want out

out of it all, love, life, everything

What do I follow my head or my heart

Do they even know what to do

Please Oh Lord hear my prayer

what am I suppose to do

Love is what I want and to give

Life with my one love is a journey I want to live

Please Oh Lord hear our prayers

 

 

 

Hiding

urban-1002149_960_720Who am I suppose to be

How am I suppose to act

What will they think of me

How much of the real me should I show them

Is the real me something they want to see

Will they react in horror or repulsion

Who am I really

Hiding myself in plain sight from those I care for the most

I keep the real me hidden inside

I let them see what I think they want to see

The world tells me I need to be like this and act like that

It’s not who I am, so I put up my mask

For so long I hide my real self from all

I lose track of who and what I am supposed to be

Holding those closest at arm length away

I lose who I am, I have gone astray

My facade of the fake me begins to crumble

Leaving me lost in my mind I stumble

Pushing, pushing, pushing away

Crashing, crashing, crashing one day

Till a voice says to me, son you have hidden away far to long

Become the man I have made you to be

Hide away no longer, let the you I created find the light of day

Show those you care about the real you

Throw away that mask and be free my son

I gave my blood to wash you clean from your past

Turn back to me and be mine again

Hidden no more, I have found the real me.

How Could I Be Loved

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Unable to accept love was my crime

Feeling that I wasn’t worthy of such a gift

Unsure how to act

When you showed it to me time and time again

A horrible sinner was I

Lost in the aspects of this world

Unable to accept the possibility

Why would you love me

How could you care

What was I to you but unwelcoming

You put people in my life to try to show me how

Pushing them away was my response

But you never gave up

You knew I would

When I was at my lowest

Lost to my despair

You reached out your hand

Took a hold of my heart

Told me that through it all you are my son and I love you still

I could not run any longer nor hide my heart

I am your child and reborn into your grace

Thank you Oh Lord for never turning away.

Born Again

cross-72838_960_720Colossians 2:13 “And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses.”

John 3:6-7 “That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.”

It was 2006 and I thought I had it all, a job that paid good, a beautiful family and yet I was empty inside. I constantly was looking for something to fill this emptiness I felt. Over the years I had turned to many things, alcohol, drugs, sex and many other things, but it didn’t fill that emptiness for long. I knew of God, but I was a very broken soul. I felt worthless in the eyes of all I knew and I knew that God would never want a broken soul like mine. I was just to damaged. Never did I think I could fall any further, but oh I was wrong, so wrong. My job was what I identified myself with, it was what I felt I needed to have to support and give my family everything. That night I went to work in a good mood, but the next morning I was being walked out of my job and was to never go back. I had been fired. The sting of it all, the failure I felt, the thought of how I had let down my family and it was just to much. I drove around for a while and knew at that point I could never go home, I was a failure and was better off dead to my family than alive. I called home after a few hours to say goodbye. My wife answered and she could hear the distress in my voice as I told her goodbye. Hearing her voice was the only thing that kept me from ending it all. I knew I had to go home, but I wasn’t sure how I could face her or the kids. That week was hard as I couldn’t look anyone in the face or talk with anyone. I wasn’t one for church and never liked to go. When I did go it was due to the fact I thought it was good for my kids. As the weekend neared and me looking for any type of work I could get, I heard a voice in my head. I know this sounds somewhat crazy, but it was loud and clear to me, “Go to church this weekend, just go and listen for once”. I told my wife that we need to go to church that weekend which came as a big surprise to her. She had grown up a Christian, but had been losing her faith as I fell further and further. She questioned her beliefs and whether she was wrong about it all. She started to look into other things to check them out. I knew that it wasn’t right, but what was I to say. That weekend we went and the sermon was what would become to be known to us as, “The Grape Sermon”. For the first time I actually heard, audibly and so much deeper than that. When I took my wife’s hand during it I felt an energy that I had never felt before. Did I drop to my knees then and ask Jesus into my life, I must admit I didn’t. Still I was skeptical, but I did finally start to listen and hear the words of the sermon, but more important the word of God himself. This all happened in September of 2006, so I continued to go to church and could feel something changing inside of me. October came and we were invited to a concert in a city over an hour away from our house. The band was Ineloquent, I had never really been to a “” Christian Concert. I thought that all that it would be was a bunch of hymns and stuff like that. I was wrong. I enjoyed it and there was something that the lead singer said that really hit me. He talked about his faith and his time that he had fallen away from God. He had always believed, but he had a crisis and fell away from his beliefs. After a few years he talked about how he realized that it wasn’t God’s fault and that he decided to turn back to God. What he said next really hit me right to my heart and the bitter wall I had raised up around my heart began to crumble. He said that even though he had turned his back on God, God had never turned away from him, so when he turned back God was waiting there with open arms to love him and comfort him. When we walked out that night, it began to snow, a crisp clean white snow and I knew right then that I needed God in my life. I asked for Jesus to come into my life and I asked him into my heart. As soon as I did that I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I knew then that it would be ok. That was 10 years ago this month. Have I always been perfect, not even close, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23. I have had times, but I always knew that he would never turn away from me. I have tried to be the best I could be and as just a man I fall short, very short. But it is through my faith that Jesus is my savior that I am saved and washed clean by his blood. This is my story of my Rebirth as it is. Take it for what it is worth to you, I know what happened to me. This has also had a huge impact on my family, my wife rediscovered her faith and my children have done amazing things in the name of Jesus. God is good…

A verse that has helped me since this time is.

Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

 

Thy Will Be Done

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Thy Will Be Done

by Hillary Scott

I’m so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don’t wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I’ve got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know you’re good
But this don’t feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It’s hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you’re God
And I am not
So

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
I know you hear me
I know you see me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Good news you have in store

So, thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord

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Songwriters
BERNIE HERMS, HILLARY SCOTT, EMILY LYNN WEISBAND

Published by
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group

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For my wife!!!

 

Happy Times

lovers-1683144_960_720Years of neglect

Months of silence

Days of denial

This was what life had become

Sadness, gloom and despair had invaded our lives

Together we lived, separated we were

To the outside so perfect, on the inside disaster

Then a miracle came to pass

A heart of stone, was transformed

Truth, grace and righteousness came forth

Love, honor and sacrifice flooded out

Now time spent together has changed

Days of Joy become

Months of Happiness becomes

Years of Love

Times of Happiness is ahead

Thank you for a second or third or whatever chance

It is one I will not let pass

As God had taken my heart of stone and made it a heart of flesh

 

Ezekiel 11:19

And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh,

Beginning Again

I am learning that to begin again you must go back to the start. In games this is easy, but in relationships this is hard. What if they find out they don’t really like me, what if I screw it up… So many pitfalls go through your mind. I believe that if you mean what you say and do, it will bring a new aspect to your relationship.  It will make a stronger, healthier relationship. So Lord I pray for renewal in my relationship and a deeper understanding of what Love is. I ask that you guide us as we begin again and help us reach that goal of a stronger, deeper, spirit filled Love. Amen….