Pit of Despair

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 10 Comments

despair

Darkness envelopes me as I’m pulled down

Into a place I can’t escape

My heart turning to stone

My soul lost from my site

Voices call to me

Worthless, unlovable, horrible, unwanted and much more

I try to scratch, I try to crawl my way out

Nothing I do can pull me from the deepening pit of despair

I begin to pull away from the ones I love

A mask I wear to hide my plight

Deep and deeper I fall

Voices tell me you know there is only one way out

I plan the only escape I believe is available

I write my children letters of goodbye

The one I love the most I don’t know how to reach

She has saved me before, but now I’m unsure

Something stops me but I know not why

But I still cannot escape my pit of despair

I begin to turn to mindless distractions

To quiet the voices, but they leave me a void

The one I love reaches to me, but I push her away again and again

A wall grows between us I fall further down

I want to escape and cannot find away

Things come to a head

She says I’m unsure if I can stay

I hit the bottom of my pit of despair

Awaiting me there is a light from somewhere

I look and I see a hand reaching to me

I’m pulled up and out and see the light of day

The rock around my heart begins to crumble

My soul awakens to the warmth and light

Is it to late to win my love back

A hand reaches to me and a voice says to me

My son you are loved, by grace you are mine

My Lord and Savior has saved me again

Why did I turn away and hide my shame

When he never turned from me

 

This is written to talk about my pain. There are times when we see no escape, but Jesus is always there and never turns away from us. Isaiah 43:18-19, NIV Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Matthew 6:34, NIV Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I hope my love understands that I never stopped loving you or wanting you, I was unable to reach you and I ask for your forgiveness as we go forward each day. For tomorrow is a new day.

 

 

Beginning Again

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 1 Comment

I am learning that to begin again you must go back to the start. In games this is easy, but in relationships this is hard. What if they find out they don’t really like me, what if I screw it up… So many pitfalls go through your mind. I believe that if you mean what you say and do, it will bring a new aspect to your relationship.  It will make a stronger, healthier relationship. So Lord I pray for renewal in my relationship and a deeper understanding of what Love is. I ask that you guide us as we begin again and help us reach that goal of a stronger, deeper, spirit filled Love. Amen….

The Taxonomy of Married Men, Vol. 2

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ Leave a comment

I want to be a Good Man and a Good Husband. Such good advice I see my own life in this. I am trying!

Matthew Fray's avatarMust Be This Tall To Ride

loss of self-awareness (Image/willemgous.com) First we took Husbands, and split them into two groups — Good Men and Bad Men.

And this isn’t about “nice guys” versus “bad boys.” Non-conformist “bad boys” engaging in mischief with sometimes aggressive, daring and tough exteriors can still be very good men. We’re talking about character. Not personality type.

Women are often attracted to men who do bad things. But good, healthy people are not attracted to BAD people. (Think Adolf Hitler, not James Dean.) I’m comfortable saying that people should NOT marry, remain married to, or have children with fundamentally bad people.

…

(Read The Taxonomy of Married Men, Vol. 1 here)

…

So now we have Husbands who are Good Men, and we’re splitting them into two groups — Good Husbands and Bad Husbands.

Lots of good men are lousy husbands. Being a husband is a skill. Just like playing instruments, flying helicopters and…

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Forgiveness

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ Leave a comment

Today has been a tough day I will not lie

I look at myself and wonder why

Holding back my emotions and feelings for so long

Disaster strikes and the dam pieces fly

A flood of emotions come pouring out

Unsure on how to control them without getting hurt

Today was a tough day I will not lie

However I look to God and see what he did for us

Forgiven even my broken soul

Unsure on how this could be

But unconditional He loves me

I trust in you to bring me through

A path ahead not easy or wide

Forgiveness I give as he has given unto me

Moving ahead is what I seek

A future ahead a past behind

Today was a tough day I will not lie

But God still loves me and I trust in Him.

 

 

My Walk Begins

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ Leave a comment

Hello,

 

This is my first post, I have never done anything like this before, but there is someone who is very special in my life who is a full-time blogger and I got the inspiration from her. I don’t even pretend that I am a good or even competent writer, so bear with me. I want to use this blog to express some things that I need to get off my chest and discover a way to improve myself by connecting with others. So let this adventure begin and wish me luck.