Pit of Despair

despair

Darkness envelopes me as I’m pulled down

Into a place I can’t escape

My heart turning to stone

My soul lost from my site

Voices call to me

Worthless, unlovable, horrible, unwanted and much more

I try to scratch, I try to crawl my way out

Nothing I do can pull me from the deepening pit of despair

I begin to pull away from the ones I love

A mask I wear to hide my plight

Deep and deeper I fall

Voices tell me you know there is only one way out

I plan the only escape I believe is available

I write my children letters of goodbye

The one I love the most I don’t know how to reach

She has saved me before, but now I’m unsure

Something stops me but I know not why

But I still cannot escape my pit of despair

I begin to turn to mindless distractions

To quiet the voices, but they leave me a void

The one I love reaches to me, but I push her away again and again

A wall grows between us I fall further down

I want to escape and cannot find away

Things come to a head

She says I’m unsure if I can stay

I hit the bottom of my pit of despair

Awaiting me there is a light from somewhere

I look and I see a hand reaching to me

I’m pulled up and out and see the light of day

The rock around my heart begins to crumble

My soul awakens to the warmth and light

Is it to late to win my love back

A hand reaches to me and a voice says to me

My son you are loved, by grace you are mine

My Lord and Savior has saved me again

Why did I turn away and hide my shame

When he never turned from me

 

This is written to talk about my pain. There are times when we see no escape, but Jesus is always there and never turns away from us. Isaiah 43:18-19, NIV Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Matthew 6:34, NIV Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I hope my love understands that I never stopped loving you or wanting you, I was unable to reach you and I ask for your forgiveness as we go forward each day. For tomorrow is a new day.

 

 

9 thoughts on “Pit of Despair

    1. Thanks, sometimes we have times we pull away from the ones we love. I was lucky I pulled myself back and am winning back that which I almost lost. I must say I am now in a place that I have not known for a long time, I am happy and positive and looking towards my future like I never have before. What service where you in and where did you serve?

      Liked by 1 person

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