Letting Go

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To the love of my life

I must say it is time for me to let go

Time for me to let go of all my issues

Time to let go of all the feelings and emotions I have kept hidden in my soul

Time to let go of holding back on my ability to love and be whole

Time to let go of hiding behind my mask

Time to let go of the wall I created around myself

Time to let my heart go and merge with you

Time for me to let go and be the one you need me to be

It is time to go forward and become the man, husband, friend and lover you always deserved.

Where Do I Go

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Sometimes life throws you a curve

Something you should have seen coming

but you are too ignorant to see

Or unable to want to believe

What do I do

Where do I go

I want to fight on

Thinking things can change

Then sometimes doubt

creeps into my mind and make me want out

out of it all, love, life, everything

What do I follow my head or my heart

Do they even know what to do

Please Oh Lord hear my prayer

what am I suppose to do

Love is what I want and to give

Life with my one love is a journey I want to live

Please Oh Lord hear our prayers

 

 

 

Heat

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Waiting for you

The anticipation as the flames begin to rise

Pulling you into my arms

Seeing the fire in your eyes

Bringing your lips to mine

Feeling the heat in our exchange

Sweet and spicy I taste

Craving you more I pull you closer in haste

My need for you intensifies

Wanting you all is my desire

Taking all of you, my lust rises higher

My need for you unassailable

The fieriness between us is indescribable

 

 

 

 

 

 

First Impressions

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Not long ago you asked me what I thought about you when we first met

It was a question that made me think

I would say a word to describe my first impressions of you

First time I saw you I was stunned by your beauty

but I knew that it was something impossible to be

I denied what I thought and held it all back

The day I took you out for your first meal

A dinner of hot dogs at the chow hall, so unappealing

Neither of us said much of a word

I could tell you wanted to be anywhere else

you had another in your life

Me I was nothing to you

Working together is what we had to do

I knew that there wasn’t a chance

So I tried to ignore and deny even a glance

I could not get out of my head images of you

When you asked me to go on that fateful trip

Reluctant to go was my instinct

At a party where I knew not a soul

I acted myself and let go

You saw me finally in a different light

You asked our friend to ask if I thought you were alright

I must say I was stunned to hear that inquiry

Unprepared to answer with much more than yea she’s nice

The rest is history from that day forward

Twenty four years you have blessed my life

as my girlfriend, fiance and finally my wife

So my first impression of you was of a stunning beautiful girl

that i thought of was out of this world.

 

 

Hiding

urban-1002149_960_720Who am I suppose to be

How am I suppose to act

What will they think of me

How much of the real me should I show them

Is the real me something they want to see

Will they react in horror or repulsion

Who am I really

Hiding myself in plain sight from those I care for the most

I keep the real me hidden inside

I let them see what I think they want to see

The world tells me I need to be like this and act like that

It’s not who I am, so I put up my mask

For so long I hide my real self from all

I lose track of who and what I am supposed to be

Holding those closest at arm length away

I lose who I am, I have gone astray

My facade of the fake me begins to crumble

Leaving me lost in my mind I stumble

Pushing, pushing, pushing away

Crashing, crashing, crashing one day

Till a voice says to me, son you have hidden away far to long

Become the man I have made you to be

Hide away no longer, let the you I created find the light of day

Show those you care about the real you

Throw away that mask and be free my son

I gave my blood to wash you clean from your past

Turn back to me and be mine again

Hidden no more, I have found the real me.

How Could I Be Loved

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Unable to accept love was my crime

Feeling that I wasn’t worthy of such a gift

Unsure how to act

When you showed it to me time and time again

A horrible sinner was I

Lost in the aspects of this world

Unable to accept the possibility

Why would you love me

How could you care

What was I to you but unwelcoming

You put people in my life to try to show me how

Pushing them away was my response

But you never gave up

You knew I would

When I was at my lowest

Lost to my despair

You reached out your hand

Took a hold of my heart

Told me that through it all you are my son and I love you still

I could not run any longer nor hide my heart

I am your child and reborn into your grace

Thank you Oh Lord for never turning away.

Anticipation

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Being apart has been difficult from the start

This time was only for a brief moment

Though the minutes seemed like hours

The hours seemed like days

The days were a lifetime of missing you

Talking on the phone

Chatting on-line

A good salve to ease the time apart

My anticipation for your return

has grown deep inside my heart

To hold you once again

To see you in the flesh

To taste your lips that electrify me

I long for your return

Into my arms intertwined in your presence is what I yearn

 

 

For my wife who is gone for a short time, I wait for your return, I miss you…

Radiance

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Laying in our bed you slumber

Looking upon your face I am left stunned

The softness of your skin leaves me hypnotized

Your face shines with a radiance of many suns

I cannot look away from its brilliance

Left dazed and captured in your spell

I listen to the gentle rhythm of your breath

A music sweeter than any song sung

A smile rises upon your lips

Wondering what dream has brought it about

Your eyes slowly open to gaze into mine

I cannot look away, I have been caught

Your smile grows bigger as you say to me

I was dreaming of you


Picture Credit: Favim.com

 

 

 

 

Born Again

cross-72838_960_720Colossians 2:13 “And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses.”

John 3:6-7 “That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.”

It was 2006 and I thought I had it all, a job that paid good, a beautiful family and yet I was empty inside. I constantly was looking for something to fill this emptiness I felt. Over the years I had turned to many things, alcohol, drugs, sex and many other things, but it didn’t fill that emptiness for long. I knew of God, but I was a very broken soul. I felt worthless in the eyes of all I knew and I knew that God would never want a broken soul like mine. I was just to damaged. Never did I think I could fall any further, but oh I was wrong, so wrong. My job was what I identified myself with, it was what I felt I needed to have to support and give my family everything. That night I went to work in a good mood, but the next morning I was being walked out of my job and was to never go back. I had been fired. The sting of it all, the failure I felt, the thought of how I had let down my family and it was just to much. I drove around for a while and knew at that point I could never go home, I was a failure and was better off dead to my family than alive. I called home after a few hours to say goodbye. My wife answered and she could hear the distress in my voice as I told her goodbye. Hearing her voice was the only thing that kept me from ending it all. I knew I had to go home, but I wasn’t sure how I could face her or the kids. That week was hard as I couldn’t look anyone in the face or talk with anyone. I wasn’t one for church and never liked to go. When I did go it was due to the fact I thought it was good for my kids. As the weekend neared and me looking for any type of work I could get, I heard a voice in my head. I know this sounds somewhat crazy, but it was loud and clear to me, “Go to church this weekend, just go and listen for once”. I told my wife that we need to go to church that weekend which came as a big surprise to her. She had grown up a Christian, but had been losing her faith as I fell further and further. She questioned her beliefs and whether she was wrong about it all. She started to look into other things to check them out. I knew that it wasn’t right, but what was I to say. That weekend we went and the sermon was what would become to be known to us as, “The Grape Sermon”. For the first time I actually heard, audibly and so much deeper than that. When I took my wife’s hand during it I felt an energy that I had never felt before. Did I drop to my knees then and ask Jesus into my life, I must admit I didn’t. Still I was skeptical, but I did finally start to listen and hear the words of the sermon, but more important the word of God himself. This all happened in September of 2006, so I continued to go to church and could feel something changing inside of me. October came and we were invited to a concert in a city over an hour away from our house. The band was Ineloquent, I had never really been to a “” Christian Concert. I thought that all that it would be was a bunch of hymns and stuff like that. I was wrong. I enjoyed it and there was something that the lead singer said that really hit me. He talked about his faith and his time that he had fallen away from God. He had always believed, but he had a crisis and fell away from his beliefs. After a few years he talked about how he realized that it wasn’t God’s fault and that he decided to turn back to God. What he said next really hit me right to my heart and the bitter wall I had raised up around my heart began to crumble. He said that even though he had turned his back on God, God had never turned away from him, so when he turned back God was waiting there with open arms to love him and comfort him. When we walked out that night, it began to snow, a crisp clean white snow and I knew right then that I needed God in my life. I asked for Jesus to come into my life and I asked him into my heart. As soon as I did that I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I knew then that it would be ok. That was 10 years ago this month. Have I always been perfect, not even close, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23. I have had times, but I always knew that he would never turn away from me. I have tried to be the best I could be and as just a man I fall short, very short. But it is through my faith that Jesus is my savior that I am saved and washed clean by his blood. This is my story of my Rebirth as it is. Take it for what it is worth to you, I know what happened to me. This has also had a huge impact on my family, my wife rediscovered her faith and my children have done amazing things in the name of Jesus. God is good…

A verse that has helped me since this time is.

Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”