life

First Impressions

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 2 Comments

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Not long ago you asked me what I thought about you when we first met

It was a question that made me think

I would say a word to describe my first impressions of you

First time I saw you I was stunned by your beauty

but I knew that it was something impossible to be

I denied what I thought and held it all back

The day I took you out for your first meal

A dinner of hot dogs at the chow hall, so unappealing

Neither of us said much of a word

I could tell you wanted to be anywhere else

you had another in your life

Me I was nothing to you

Working together is what we had to do

I knew that there wasn’t a chance

So I tried to ignore and deny even a glance

I could not get out of my head images of you

When you asked me to go on that fateful trip

Reluctant to go was my instinct

At a party where I knew not a soul

I acted myself and let go

You saw me finally in a different light

You asked our friend to ask if I thought you were alright

I must say I was stunned to hear that inquiry

Unprepared to answer with much more than yea she’s nice

The rest is history from that day forward

Twenty four years you have blessed my life

as my girlfriend, fiance and finally my wife

So my first impression of you was of a stunning beautiful girl

that i thought of was out of this world.

 

 

Hiding

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 2 Comments

urban-1002149_960_720Who am I suppose to be

How am I suppose to act

What will they think of me

How much of the real me should I show them

Is the real me something they want to see

Will they react in horror or repulsion

Who am I really

Hiding myself in plain sight from those I care for the most

I keep the real me hidden inside

I let them see what I think they want to see

The world tells me I need to be like this and act like that

It’s not who I am, so I put up my mask

For so long I hide my real self from all

I lose track of who and what I am supposed to be

Holding those closest at arm length away

I lose who I am, I have gone astray

My facade of the fake me begins to crumble

Leaving me lost in my mind I stumble

Pushing, pushing, pushing away

Crashing, crashing, crashing one day

Till a voice says to me, son you have hidden away far to long

Become the man I have made you to be

Hide away no longer, let the you I created find the light of day

Show those you care about the real you

Throw away that mask and be free my son

I gave my blood to wash you clean from your past

Turn back to me and be mine again

Hidden no more, I have found the real me.

Scared Little Boy

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ Leave a comment

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Little boy why are you the way you are

What brought you to this point

Why so scared of monsters that don’t exist

Hiding in your room, keeping as quiet as possible

Leaving your house, so no one hears you go

Going from friends house to friends house seeking refuge

Why do you run and hide

What made you such a scared little boy

Who are those monsters that you run from

Grow up and be a man

Real men aren’t scared of monsters

Toughen up and don’t show your fear or emotions

Hide them deep inside, keep them locked away

Grow up little boy it is time you became a man

Hide it all away, it is the only way

Push it down, deep, deep down

You are no longer a little boy, but a grown man.

 

Being a “Man”

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 3 Comments

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A real man shows no emotions

A real man is tough all the time

A real man never cries

A real man is this or that

I have been told my whole life

This is what being a “Man” is all about

What has this brought me

A life of pain that was held inside

Incarcerated into a lie

Today I have broken free

Vulnerability is not a weakness

it is a strength

Showing those close to you what you really are

Brings you closer to them

A real man is a person who, loves, cries, shows his true emotions and is real in how he feels.

 

For my wife who I was so distant from for so long, who I by my actions almost tore us apart. I love you with all my heart and know that you are and always will be a gift from God.

Thy Will Be Done

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 1 Comment

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Thy Will Be Done

by Hillary Scott

I’m so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don’t wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I’ve got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know you’re good
But this don’t feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It’s hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you’re God
And I am not
So

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
I know you hear me
I know you see me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Good news you have in store

So, thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord

_____________________________________

Songwriters
BERNIE HERMS, HILLARY SCOTT, EMILY LYNN WEISBAND

Published by
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group

_____________________________________

For my wife!!!

 

Never Going Back

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 6 Comments

heart-583895_960_720Before I would sit around and kill my mind in worthless pursuits

Before I would sit in silence and let the quiet of life engulf me

Before I would let you wonder how I really felt

Before I would push you away and never get close

Before I let the wall grow high

Before I let your heart escape and go astray

I tell you now and forever

I am never going back

Today I find my mind looking to explore

Today I sometimes never shut up

Today I tell you everyday what you mean to me

Today I pull you closer when you want to push me away

Today I build a path for us to walk on together

Today I pursue your heart and seek to win it back in the worst way

Today I tell you I am a new man

My heart of stone has gone away

A heart of flesh is what is left

My love for you is here to stay

 

Happy Times

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 6 Comments

lovers-1683144_960_720Years of neglect

Months of silence

Days of denial

This was what life had become

Sadness, gloom and despair had invaded our lives

Together we lived, separated we were

To the outside so perfect, on the inside disaster

Then a miracle came to pass

A heart of stone, was transformed

Truth, grace and righteousness came forth

Love, honor and sacrifice flooded out

Now time spent together has changed

Days of Joy become

Months of Happiness becomes

Years of Love

Times of Happiness is ahead

Thank you for a second or third or whatever chance

It is one I will not let pass

As God had taken my heart of stone and made it a heart of flesh

 

Ezekiel 11:19

And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh,

Pit of Despair

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 10 Comments

despair

Darkness envelopes me as I’m pulled down

Into a place I can’t escape

My heart turning to stone

My soul lost from my site

Voices call to me

Worthless, unlovable, horrible, unwanted and much more

I try to scratch, I try to crawl my way out

Nothing I do can pull me from the deepening pit of despair

I begin to pull away from the ones I love

A mask I wear to hide my plight

Deep and deeper I fall

Voices tell me you know there is only one way out

I plan the only escape I believe is available

I write my children letters of goodbye

The one I love the most I don’t know how to reach

She has saved me before, but now I’m unsure

Something stops me but I know not why

But I still cannot escape my pit of despair

I begin to turn to mindless distractions

To quiet the voices, but they leave me a void

The one I love reaches to me, but I push her away again and again

A wall grows between us I fall further down

I want to escape and cannot find away

Things come to a head

She says I’m unsure if I can stay

I hit the bottom of my pit of despair

Awaiting me there is a light from somewhere

I look and I see a hand reaching to me

I’m pulled up and out and see the light of day

The rock around my heart begins to crumble

My soul awakens to the warmth and light

Is it to late to win my love back

A hand reaches to me and a voice says to me

My son you are loved, by grace you are mine

My Lord and Savior has saved me again

Why did I turn away and hide my shame

When he never turned from me

 

This is written to talk about my pain. There are times when we see no escape, but Jesus is always there and never turns away from us. Isaiah 43:18-19, NIV Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Matthew 6:34, NIV Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I hope my love understands that I never stopped loving you or wanting you, I was unable to reach you and I ask for your forgiveness as we go forward each day. For tomorrow is a new day.

 

 

My Walk Begins

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ Leave a comment

Hello,

 

This is my first post, I have never done anything like this before, but there is someone who is very special in my life who is a full-time blogger and I got the inspiration from her. I don’t even pretend that I am a good or even competent writer, so bear with me. I want to use this blog to express some things that I need to get off my chest and discover a way to improve myself by connecting with others. So let this adventure begin and wish me luck.