marriage

Reintroduction of A Soldier’s Walk

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 14 Comments

11168920_10207948534621538_1435755231866657223_n

I just wanted to say thank you first to all of you out there that have taken the time to read my writings. When I first started this blog, I didn’t know what to expect or whether I would be able to even write anything. My experience with writing anything was an occasional letter to someone and writing Papers in High School and College (A long time ago for both). I am what you would have called at the time, a failed husband, a self-prescribed underwhelming father and just going through the motions of life. I was really dead inside and was lost at how to get out of it. My wonderful wife, who I almost lost due to this absence I had allowed into our marriage is the one who lead me into this world. She has been blogging for around 3 years and I must say is an amazing writer. See her blog here; https://puttingmyfeetinthedirt.com/ . I won’t go into her journey with her blog, but let’s just say my absence in our marriage was behind some of her writings. I didn’t know a thing about poetry beyond maybe Dr. Seuss books. I just knew I had so much bottled up inside of me. I was never one who was good with emotions, I just bottled them up and stuffed them deep down inside. With writing this blog I have found a freedom to express a lot of these emotions not only through my writing, but in my life. Over these last few months I have been on a journey that was to win the heart of my wife back. I know this is not a journey with an end, but something I need to do every day.

img_0133

A majority of my writing has been inspired on my feelings towards my lovely wife. I hope this journey may inspire others to know that it is never too late to fight for what is right, no matter what it may be. I know a lot of you were surprised to find out that ~ M and I were husband and wife. It was a decision made mutually between us to hide that fact until we knew was the right time. I have learned a lot about myself through this blogging adventure and reading and interacting with so many of you have really made a lasting imprint on my life. I am amazed by all the talent I see through so many of you and am inspired by it. Again I want to just reintroduce myself and say hello and thank you for coming along on this journey with me.

Yup that is a real picture of me.

 

Walking the Aisle

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 3 Comments

Today is a day all Fathers dread and dream about

Walking your daughter down the aisle

Looking back over her life from her first steps 

Watching her go off to her first day of school 

The good times and the not so good times

A young man has taken her fancy 

Took her heart and she has taken his

Two will become one in the sight of God 

But first I will walk her down the aisle

One step after another further down the aisle we move

Closer and closer I get to letting her go and letting her young man take her hand

I couldn’t be more happy for her but a hint of sadness at passing on my duty as her protector 

A good Godly man however will take my place 

What more could a father ask 

But first I have to make it down the aisle 

So what is going through my mind as we move walk down that aisle

I think of what my wife said to me 

Whatever you do don’t step on her dress.

Oh the pressure 
—————————-

Daughter number 2 going down the aisle today. Love my girl. 

In Your Eyes

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 2 Comments


In your eyes

Reflecting back at me 

I see myself mirrored back

My future with you teasing 

Seeing what could be

My past with You tormenting 

Seeing what could have been 

What I comprehend is a glance

A sight of a love that we pray will grow

In your eyes I see a hope for our future 

A sadness of our past

The love we share in the now. 

Regrets

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 3 Comments

love-lovestory-story-favim_com-4896276

Looking back upon my past

So much of it, I see much regret

How I acted and treated the ones I loved

Especially the one who I should have appreciated the most

Denying you the love you deserved

Not showing you how much I truly cared

I left so many words unspoken

I left so many feelings trapped inside

You needed just a few words of reassurance

Words describing how beautiful you are

When I think of the time I have wasted

A fool I was and it almost cost me it all

Today I will not let my heart hide how much I care

Tomorrow I will prove the depths of my love for you

Forever I will stand by your side as your friend, supporter, encourager and lover

I will live from today on forward with no regrets

For I will show you each day the enchantment you have upon my heart

Today, tomorrow and forever my love for you is true

 

Letting Go

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 1 Comment

balloon-cool-emily-fly-favim_com-3482143

To the love of my life

I must say it is time for me to let go

Time for me to let go of all my issues

Time to let go of all the feelings and emotions I have kept hidden in my soul

Time to let go of holding back on my ability to love and be whole

Time to let go of hiding behind my mask

Time to let go of the wall I created around myself

Time to let my heart go and merge with you

Time for me to let go and be the one you need me to be

It is time to go forward and become the man, husband, friend and lover you always deserved.

First Impressions

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 2 Comments

amazing-cute-love-love-at-first-sight-favim-com-2706441

Not long ago you asked me what I thought about you when we first met

It was a question that made me think

I would say a word to describe my first impressions of you

First time I saw you I was stunned by your beauty

but I knew that it was something impossible to be

I denied what I thought and held it all back

The day I took you out for your first meal

A dinner of hot dogs at the chow hall, so unappealing

Neither of us said much of a word

I could tell you wanted to be anywhere else

you had another in your life

Me I was nothing to you

Working together is what we had to do

I knew that there wasn’t a chance

So I tried to ignore and deny even a glance

I could not get out of my head images of you

When you asked me to go on that fateful trip

Reluctant to go was my instinct

At a party where I knew not a soul

I acted myself and let go

You saw me finally in a different light

You asked our friend to ask if I thought you were alright

I must say I was stunned to hear that inquiry

Unprepared to answer with much more than yea she’s nice

The rest is history from that day forward

Twenty four years you have blessed my life

as my girlfriend, fiance and finally my wife

So my first impression of you was of a stunning beautiful girl

that i thought of was out of this world.

 

 

Happy Times

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 6 Comments

lovers-1683144_960_720Years of neglect

Months of silence

Days of denial

This was what life had become

Sadness, gloom and despair had invaded our lives

Together we lived, separated we were

To the outside so perfect, on the inside disaster

Then a miracle came to pass

A heart of stone, was transformed

Truth, grace and righteousness came forth

Love, honor and sacrifice flooded out

Now time spent together has changed

Days of Joy become

Months of Happiness becomes

Years of Love

Times of Happiness is ahead

Thank you for a second or third or whatever chance

It is one I will not let pass

As God had taken my heart of stone and made it a heart of flesh

 

Ezekiel 11:19

And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh,

Sleep

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 1 Comment

feet-224680_960_720Nighttime falls into the room

Next to you is what I desire

Pulling you close as our bodies merge together

Your head lies on my chest

I feel your skin soft against mine

The rhythm of your breath is mesmerizing

Sleep over takes our physical bodies

Our souls connect into the dream world we move

Dreams of you is what I see and into my arms you fall

As in the here as in the there we are together

As we sleep through the night.

Renewal

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 1 Comment

7967965_f1024Starting over is a scary idea

It means that what you thought was not ideal

Building something new out of what you were

Taking who you were and discarding the old

After the trials of these past few years

Almost losing that most dear to me

A love that means the most

I found a strength that I didn’t know was within

Love has strengthened my heart to be a better man

Love has revived me to be a better husband

Love has taken ahold of my soul to be better all around

I want my love to know that the change is true

The change in me is deeper than the surface

It comes from a place I didn’t know was real

So each day  I will show that my love is real

That this change you see and feel is honest

I love you today, tomorrow, forever.

Pit of Despair

~ A Soldier's Walk ~ 10 Comments

despair

Darkness envelopes me as I’m pulled down

Into a place I can’t escape

My heart turning to stone

My soul lost from my site

Voices call to me

Worthless, unlovable, horrible, unwanted and much more

I try to scratch, I try to crawl my way out

Nothing I do can pull me from the deepening pit of despair

I begin to pull away from the ones I love

A mask I wear to hide my plight

Deep and deeper I fall

Voices tell me you know there is only one way out

I plan the only escape I believe is available

I write my children letters of goodbye

The one I love the most I don’t know how to reach

She has saved me before, but now I’m unsure

Something stops me but I know not why

But I still cannot escape my pit of despair

I begin to turn to mindless distractions

To quiet the voices, but they leave me a void

The one I love reaches to me, but I push her away again and again

A wall grows between us I fall further down

I want to escape and cannot find away

Things come to a head

She says I’m unsure if I can stay

I hit the bottom of my pit of despair

Awaiting me there is a light from somewhere

I look and I see a hand reaching to me

I’m pulled up and out and see the light of day

The rock around my heart begins to crumble

My soul awakens to the warmth and light

Is it to late to win my love back

A hand reaches to me and a voice says to me

My son you are loved, by grace you are mine

My Lord and Savior has saved me again

Why did I turn away and hide my shame

When he never turned from me

 

This is written to talk about my pain. There are times when we see no escape, but Jesus is always there and never turns away from us. Isaiah 43:18-19, NIV Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Matthew 6:34, NIV Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I hope my love understands that I never stopped loving you or wanting you, I was unable to reach you and I ask for your forgiveness as we go forward each day. For tomorrow is a new day.